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Dear Donna Death,
Until recently I worked for the
undertaker in a fairly small New England town. Don't ask me why I picked this
line of work --- I guess I just liked the people I met on the job. I really put
myself into my work with enthusiasm, but what thanks did I get? Once the boss
caught me and a date making out in the back room, and fired me! I could
understand it if I was loafing off, but this wasn't on company time.
Anyway, I've been roaming around ever
since, and even did a stretch in the army. But now I can't seem to stay out of
trouble. I'm at the end of my rope . . . or soon will be . . . so l thought I'd
ask your advice. You seem like my kind of folks.
Guess I'd better sign off now. My pen's
running out, and I can . . . write . . . no more. . . .
C. M. Etery
Dear C. M.,
Your impassioned request for guidance
is so stirring, it has nearly revivified me! It is obvious that you are a
hot-blooded young man, agonized and frustrated by the severe repressions of
contemporary living. A holiday at this time would do wonders for you. You need a
long repose, a chance to remove yourself from the rigors of life and really
chill out. And, don't worry, from the sound of things, it seems like you're
about to get it.
Empathetically yours,
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