FUN GUYS FROM YUGGOTH:
John Anthony

Issue 003

copyright © 1982 by Robert M. Price
reprinted by permission of Robert M. Price

THE CALL OF CTHULHU'S CADILLAC

You ask me to explain why I am afraid of a three-noted car horn, why I respond to the sound as others might to a draught of cool air. What I will do is relate the horrible circumstances and leave you to judge whether or not this forms a suitable explanation of my peculiarity.

The year was 1969. I was wandering among the coiled wire racks of the paperback section of a local store. Passing by the cookbooks and the seamy mysteries, my attention was caught by a black bound book with pages trimmed with purple. It was not the purple-edged pages nor the blood-red letters spelling "H. P. Lovecraft" that had arrested my attention. No. It was the image on the cover that had stopped me in my tracks. For there, staring back at me with black, lifeless sockets was a leering ruby-hued skull, burning in tongues of orange flame. The title of this sinister looking book? The Colour Out of Space and Others, a Lancer paperback.

There was something abhorrent, even blasphemous, about the way the glowing flames and the leering skull combined on the black background of the book. There was also something strangely . . . compelling. To this day I cannot explain what made me draw the thing from its wire crypt and leaf through its pages --- pages covered not with any nameless hieroglyphs of earth's youth, but only the letters of our familiar alphabet. My hands did not tremble at first contact with that book. How strange it seems to me now that they did not.

I bought the book and brought it home. I placed it on my shelf of unread paperbacks, along with Clarke and Asimov and a dozen other science fiction authors. Before I slid it into place I glanced again at the gloating skull. How strange it looked, and how unlike any of the books I usually read. Not for the last time I wondered what had compelled me to buy a book whose cover blurb began with the words "Ancient Evil".

I put the book out of my mind for at least a week. The pursuit of an education creates more complications than can be imagined, and in my case there were countless matters which required my personal attention. With one thing or another, there was just too much to do.

And then the weekend came.

My parents had been invited by my Uncle Mario to visit his house in Long Island. I remembered my uncle, a short figure with dark eyes and well trimmed hair, as the man who owned a long black Cadillac whose horn, when pressed, would sound a note, then switch to another, and finally to a third, in rapid succession. It was an interesting toy and one he enjoyed immensely.

My parents agreed to my uncle's invitation. Being fifteen years old and my parents' son, I had little chance of remaining home. In fact I had none. This left me with the problem of finding something to occupy my time while my parents and my uncle sat over coffee and spoke of nothing for several hours. The solution, of course, was obvious.

Early on that fateful morning, we set out for Long Island. As I sat in our car's back seat counting Volkswagens on the long trek eastward, the blind skull stared out through the window behind me and smirked. It remained in the car several hours after our arrival, leering in anticipation as greetings were exchanged and we entered the house.

Once inside, introduction rapidly slipped into small talk, then into the boring doggerel adults find so addicting. I watched for my chance to escape, found it, and slipped quietly away. Walking out onto the balcony for some air I chanced to look down and was again stopped in my tracks as I had been over a week before. Below me, leering as it had done now for nearly nine days, the burning skull stared up through the car's rear window. It seemed to be staring directly at me. My time had come.

I have no memory of leaving the balcony, nor of returning with the black-bound book in my hands. I have only a vague recollection of sitting in a cushioned chair, glancing again at that unwholesome leering skull, then opening the cover and beginning to read my first sample of "the greatest modern writer of weird fiction."

Soon I was absorbed in the book. Before my mind's eye unfolded tales of ominous, loathsome, unspeakable evil hidden in aeons-old darkness. Shadows of things undreamed were revealed to me in hints and whispers. Over and over I found my self repeating, "I'm not scared. I'm not! It's just a book. Only stories." But such chilling, frightful stories! Spellbound, I read on as a death-dealing creature of the stars gropingly squeezed from its lair.

The Thing cannot be de scribed --- there is no language for such abysms of shrieking and immemorial lunacy, such eldritch contradictions of all matter, force, and cosmic order. . . . The Thing of the idols, the green sticky spawn of the stars, had awakened to claim his own . . . great Cthulhu was loose again. . . .

Suddenly, as if from some unguessed abyss, there came a rushing roar and three loud blaring notes, practically at my feet. Startled, I jumped, a horrified expression on my face, and the book fell from my hands.

Though many years have passed since the incident, the final sight that greeted my eyes still troubles me to this very day. It has been hard for me to set down the crucial revelation, though no reader can have failed to guess it. When the initial shock had passed, I stared uncomfortably down at the gloating skull on the floor by my chair. I shook my head and decided then and there that this book would never again be opened by my hand. There would be no more dabbling in books of ancient evil for me. I, for one, had learned my lesson.

Yet something keeps me from disposing of the thing. It sits on my shelf even now, still leering, still waiting for the day when I will dare to open those monstrous pages again. I do not think its wait will be long. I am much older now, after all. I have seen far too much to remain afraid of a lifeless, leering book. The existence of Cthulhu is, I am sure, only story, or at best legend, half remembered racial memories of a creature encountered aeons ago. I am not afraid. I'm not!

And yet I must confess to a certain sense of dread when, years ago, on that balcony in Long Island, I cast my eyes toward the source of that sudden noise. But what I saw there was no cyclopean spawn from the black spaces between the stars, but rather my uncle's black Cadillac lumbering forth from its parking space onto the street.