On the Revision of Dreams of Yith

by Edward P. Berglund

copyright © 1985 by Edward P. Berglund
reprinted by permission of Edward P. Berglund

Amid dim hills that poison mosses blast,
     Far from the lands and seas of our clean earth,
Dread nightmare shadows dance --- obscenely cast
     By twisted talons of archean birth
On rows of slimy pillars stretching past
     A daemon-fane that echoes with mad mirth.
And in that realm sane eyes may never see ---
     For black light streams from skies of ebony.

The above is the published version of Stanza VI of the poem "Dreams of Yith" by Duane W. Rimel. [1] But this was not the final version of this stanza.

In early 1971, Kenneth W. Faig, Jr., was attending Brown University in Providence, Rhode Island. While going through the Special Collections there, he discovered a bound volume of The Fantasy Fan, originally belonging to Robert H. Barlow. [2] Therein was a manuscript note by H. P. Lovecraft tipped into the issue containing Stanza VI of "Dreams of Yith". This manuscript note had a rough revision on one side and a final revision on the other.

Kenneth Faig did further research in order to ascertain the probable sequence of events in this matter, which go something like this:

In 1934, Rimel sent Barlow some sample poems, one of which was to become Stanza VI of "Dreams of Yith". Lovecraft was visiting Barlow at this time and apparently saw it at that time because he sent an amended version of the stanza to Rimel. [3] Lovecraft later wrote Rimel to acknowledge receipt of further stanzas in the sequence, which had apparently already been gone over by Clark Ashton Smith. Lovecraft indicated in this letter that he had made further changes in Stanza VI. [4] He also suggested that Rimel send the changes, as well as the change in title, [5] to Charles D. Hornig, the editor of The Fantasy Fan. The suggested title change did reach Hornig in time for inclusion, and it is presumed that the changes which Smith and Lovecraft had made were also included in the published version. (This was later confirmed by Rimel. [6]) It would appear that the published version of "Dreams of Yith" was already a Smith-Lovecraft revision and that the manuscript note in Barlow's bound volume of The Fantasy Fan was an even later and more thorough reworking. [7]

From the evidence available, we can be fairly certain that Smith suggested changes to Stanza VI prior to its being sent to Barlow. Whether Smith suggested any changes to the other stanzas, we may never know. But we do know that Lovecraft did further revise this stanza. Below are reproduced the rough and final revisions of Stanza VI by H. P. Lovecraft.

ROUGH REVISION (parentheses indicate crossings-out, which are filled in where decipherable):

(                            )
        (gray)                        (vapors)
Amid dim hills that poison mosses blast,
(Far in the gulf from any wholesome earth)
Far from the land & seas of our clean earth,
Dread nightmare shadows dance obscenely
(Close by a ragged rampart       ) cast
(The nightmare shadows)
By rows of twisted talons of archaean birth
(                                   )
     (   )                         (ranged across)
On slimy pillars, stretching past 
                                        (black)
A daemon-fane that echoes with mad mirth
And in that realm sane eyes may never see ---
For black light streams from skies of ebony.

LOVECRAFT'S FINAL REVISION:

                                VI
                         A Sacrifice
                                ++

On blasted hillsides covered with foul moss
Of that dim spawning strange to our clean earth,
Close by a ragged rampart, dread hands toss
A nightmare shadow of archaean birth
Upon an altar stretching damp across
A daemon-fane that echoes with mad mirth.
And in that realm sane eyes may never see ---
For black light streams from skies of ebony.
                                           --- Duane W. Rimel

It should be noted that this final revision changed the meaning from the stanza as published.

Harry Morris asked me to see if we could get permission to reprint "Dreams of Yith" in his magazine, Nyctalops, as well as printing the Lovecraft final revision. I wrote to August Derleth and he replied, "I don't know what HPL wrote in Rimel's poem --- but before I make a decision about it, I would like to see the original poem, and a copy of HPL's revision. Chances are we won't object, but we'll query Rimel first about this." [8]

Per Derleth's request, I sent him the copies of the published poem and the revised stanza. When Morris had originally sent me the copy and the information relating to it, he had transposed the date of publication of The Fantasy Fan from "1934" to "1943". This placed doubt in Derleth's mind as to whether or not the revision was the work of Lovecraft, and not Barlow's. [9] Thus, he decided to withhold permission for publication until January 1, 1972, by which time he would have been able to obtain a photostat of the tipped-in manuscript note to verify the holography as Lovecraft's.

Morris had written to say that his place of work had obtained a new letterpress and that he would like to publish "Dreams of Yith" as a limited edition booklet under the auspices of The Silver Scarab Press. Alas! This was never to come to pass, as Derleth died July 4, 1971. Shortly thereafter, Morris found out about his mix-up on the date [10] through the work of Harry Warner, Jr. [11]

The projected limited edition publication of "Dreams of Yith" by Duane Rimel finally died in 1973, when Rimel wrote, "I believe I'll let DREAMS OF YITH stand as published in DARK OF THE MOON. Years ago Francis T. Laney published the poem in a booklet, and I think any new publication would be redundant." [12]

FOOTNOTES

[1] The Fantasy Fan, I, 12 (September 1943); Dreams of Yith by Duane W. Rimel (Francis T. Laney [FAPA], 1943); The Acolyte [?]; Dark of the Moon; Poems of Fantasy and the Macabre, edited by August Derleth (Sauk City: Arkham House, 1947).  Return

[2] Harry O. Morris, Jr., to Edward P. Berglund, June 5, 1971.  Return

[3] H. P. Lovecraft to Duane W. Rimel, May 13, 1934; Special Collections, Brown University Library. (Holograph manuscript of the amendment is filed with the letter.)  Return

[4] H. P. Lovecraft to Duane W. Rimel, June 1, 1934; Special Collections, Brown University Library. (The further changes to Stanza VI were not filed with this letter.)  Return

[5] Originally "Dreams of Yid".  Return

[6] Letter, Crypt of Cthulhu, III, 1 (Hallowmas 1983), p. 48.  Return

[7] Harry O. Morris, Jr., to Edward P. Berglund, undated [June 28, 1971].  Return

[8] August Derleth to Edward P. Berglund, June 17, 1971.  Return

[9] August Derleth to Edward P. Berglund, June 25, 1971.  Return

[10] Harry O. Morris, Jr., to Edward P. Berglund, July 9, 1971.  Return

[11] Harry Warner, Jr., All Our Yesterdays (Chicago: Advent: Publishers, 1969), p. 74.  Return

[12] Duane Rimel to Edward P. Berglund, June 5, 1973.  Return